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Literature Text
Bright orange
Of the brilliant blaze
Which bursts from a tree
A fiery daze
And the beauty in death
Seen in the dying.
The leaves float softly and slowly down
Without utterance or sound
Silently falling to kiss the ground
To disappear into dust.
Above the cold cracked ground,
Above the cold gnarled gnawed roots,
Above the cold cruel light of the moon.
All is still.
All is silent.
A nightingale sings softly one last sad note,
Clear above the sounds of the night,
Clear above the cracking of leaves,
Clear above the howling of wolves.
A signal for the last breath before doom.
Before the last spark of flame is smothered in darkness.
All is still.
All is silent.
Of the brilliant blaze
Which bursts from a tree
A fiery daze
And the beauty in death
Seen in the dying.
The leaves float softly and slowly down
Without utterance or sound
Silently falling to kiss the ground
To disappear into dust.
Above the cold cracked ground,
Above the cold gnarled gnawed roots,
Above the cold cruel light of the moon.
All is still.
All is silent.
A nightingale sings softly one last sad note,
Clear above the sounds of the night,
Clear above the cracking of leaves,
Clear above the howling of wolves.
A signal for the last breath before doom.
Before the last spark of flame is smothered in darkness.
All is still.
All is silent.
i was looking at some trees
Comments48
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactHello there, this critique is being brought to you by #Live-Love-Write.
First of all, I think autumn is my favorite season in literature. It's very easy to pick at, to describe and to draw an image into ones mind with words.
I do have a few suggestions, first of all, the rhyming was a bit rough for me. I kept thinking it was going to rhyme, then it didn't, then it did... it didn't really have any sort of rhyme pattern, which made me stumble a bit looking for it same as not expecting it.
Another thing is the first stanza, all the others have four lines (if you combine the all is still, all is silent into one), but the first stanza has six shorter lines. Maybe you cold combine them to give the same rhythm to the rest of the poem.
Other than those two things, it's lovely. Very vivid in both color and imagery. The description is subtle but strong, it feels gives off the feel of it about to snow, the ground has frost, but fall's still here. Quite lovely and powerful. I have a very nice picture in my head. Good work <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Smile)"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="15" height="13" alt="
" title="Heart"/>TORi
***please do not pay attention to the stars, the critique is in what I wrote***